Pink Shirt Day is coming up. On Wednesday, February 28, students across Canada will wear pink shirts to elementary school, and pledge to stop bullying. So, who exactly is this bully? As an early childhood educator and a picture book author, I am coming at this conversation focusing on our kindergarten to primary grade pink-shirt-wearing students– and I am not a fan of name-calling. Pink Shirt Day is about being kind, standing up for a friend, and speaking out when we see unkind behaviour. And I would add- that we need to leave space for our peers and ourselves to acknowledge that we’ve made a mistake, that we’re sorry, and we’d like to try again. Elementary school is not made up of ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’ it is made up of children developing (and making mistakes along the way with) their communication, language and social skills. My picture book, WILLOW FINDS A WAY (Kids Can Press, illustrated by Tania Howells) was placed on several bullying awareness lists, including Publisher’s Weekly, and the CCBC Pink Shirt Day List. It’s about how the quietest kid in class stands up to someone being unkind. But the story doesn’t end when the class follows Willow’s lead and crosses their names off Kristabelle’s birthday list. It doesn’t end with everyone turning their back on this primary-grade kid. It ends after Willow once again walks away from unkind behaviour, and gives Kristabelle some grace and some space to try again. . Willow Finds a Way (Kids Can Press) by Lana Button and Tania Howells I think we can get to the other side of bullying, where every child feels safe, respected and heard, by helping children develop these three skills: Communication Skills If you’re a bully you’re bad. That is the Coles Notes of what children are told. Stand up to them. Absolutely, we must flex our communication skills to tell people when they are treating us, or those around us badly. Teaching kids to use action words when communicating with their peers can help. “Don’t call me that.” Is a specific direct action that is a lot more helpful than ‘you’re so mean.’ And it takes practice! Sit in on any marriage counselling session to remind yourself that adults are still working on it. It’s also very helpful for children to express how that action makes them feel. “That makes me really sad when you do that.” This healthy communication allows a child to acknowledge their feelings, and it helps them develop their ‘feelings vocabulary” (ie: ‘that frustrates me’ ‘that embarrasses me’) Okay, but what if a child acknowledges that they are the ones who have been unkind? Are they a primary grade kid who is “doomed to be a bully, with no chance to make it right?” as Kitty says in my picture book WHAT IF BUNNY’S NOT A BULLY? (Kids Can Press, illustrated by Christine Battuz) Let’s add to the phrase, “I’m sorry,” which can often get tossed around like a meaningless magic word. If there’s a breath there first, and an acknowledgment, with some action words, “I made a mistake when I said that.. when I did that..etc. I’m sorry.” It is healthy to acknowledge when talking about unkind behaviour, that we all make mistakes along the way. What if Bunny’s Not a Bully? (Kids Can Press) by Lana Button and Christine Battuz Social skills practice Primary-grade students need guidance along the way when they are interacting with their peers. I appreciate that it is exhausting and never-ending, but don’t tell kids to stand up to bullying and then shoo them away with “work it out yourselves,” or “I don’t listen to tattling,” when they come to you for help. Children often need a calm adult to help them interpret social conflict and find the dialogue to work through social challenges. Examples of empathy. Cue the picture book! As our students colour in those pink shirt outlines let’s boost experiences and examples with empathy by reading books that deal with social conflict and resolution. I implore you to continue the story beyond the ‘stand up and walk away’ message. Arm our children with actions and dialogue through stories where characters have dealt with social conflict. In WHAT IF BUNNY’S NOT A BULLY? everyone has become an expert at walking away from Bunny, even though no one can remember why she’s the bully. But when Kitty starts looking at it from a different angle, questions arise. What if she’s sorry? When do we give her a chance to try again? After the acknowledgement of “I know I’d want another chance if I’d done something wrong.” Bunny is given some grace and some space and apologizes. In WILLOW FINDS A WAY, Kristabelle is being mean. She absolutely needs to be called out for it. But when given a chance, she apologizes and tries again. I believe that these stories not only give children a dialogue for standing up for themselves and for others, they also provide acknowledgement that we all make mistakes, and give children space and dialogue to say, “I’m sorry,” and try again. Experiencing Empathy We develop empathy by experiencing it. A picture book can be a tool for a child to see another person’s perspective. After reading my picture book, TOUGH LIKE MUM (Tundra, illustrated by Carmen Mok) I will ask my young audience, “Do you think David would have made that joke about Kim eating a Butt Sandwich if he knew that she had to make her own lunch that morning and that was all the food she had?” Tough Like Mum (Tundra) By Lana Button and Carmen Mok I would invite you to continue the conversation, after reading your empathy building story by asking:
Lana Button is an early childhood educator, an engaging presenter, and an award-winning author of more than a dozen books for children that focus on social-emotional literacy. Lana is a former actress who considers every read-aloud a performance. When not writing new stories, Lana is speaking at schools and festivals to share her books and her message of inclusion, empathy and understanding. Lana grew up in New Brunswick and now lives in Southern Ontario. She is active on social media @lanabutton and would love to connect with you. Lana's latest book is THE ONLY LONELY FAIRY (Pajama Press) illustrated by Peggy Collins. lanabutton.com Comments are closed.
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